Some people come into your life like a hurricane. Nobody can predict when they will come or what will the impact of their presence be in your life. But they DO come...wreak havoc with your emotions...and go away just as suddenly as they came. And what are you left with? Bits and pieces of your once happy life. You are left wondering what you did to deserve all this...and the question with no answer keeps popping up in your mind-'why me?' Because as far as you can remember, you have done nought to deserve this. And then you blame it all on destiny and fate and pacify yourself saying that 'everything happens for a reason' and that 'probably God wanted to make me stronger'. So saying, you set about gathering whatever was left by the treacherous tempest and building your life once again from the scratch...with the constant fear that it may happen to you again. Things will never be the same again.
So they say 'time heals all wounds'... I've been hearing this phrase ever since I can remember. But nobody ever told me that some wounds leave scars behind...especially the very deep ones. That was a lesson I learnt by experience...and in the hard way. That phrase holds true only for wounds that are on the surface level. It does not hold true for those that are more than just skin deep. Such wounds can be created only by those whom we have emotionally invested in. And such wounds heal for sure with time...but they leave permanent scars. Each time you see the scars, you are reminded of what you went through to get that scar...the pain, the fear, the tears and every possible emotion associated with it. You might want to cover up the overtly ugly scars with something...but only makes it invisible to others. You know it is there and no amount of covering up can hide it from your own conscience. You wonder if it could have been averted in some way. And then sadly realise that there is no place for 'what-could-have-been' anymore. It happened to you and that's the bland truth. And again the question-'why me?'.
Just when you think you have everything under control (you're deliberately NOT thinking about the hurricane damage and you've programmed yourself NOT to look at the unsightly scar anymore), the hurricane returns yet again. You get hurt in the process of trying to salvage whatever you had rebuilt...thereby reopening the wound once again. And this time, it hurts even more than before. You are left shattered and shaken. Anger, disillusionment and irritation overwhelm you. And at this juncture, you have just two roads to take-either repeat the process what you did earlier or move on to someplace better. Someplace that you are sure such a thing will not happen to you again. Right now, I find myself at this very juncture. I am fairly sure of myself of what path I would choose. The memories will haunt me for a lifetime...but at least, it will not return. But when I think of all the effort I put into building up the life I am going to leave behind, I feel a tug at my heartstrings. All that effort, all the perseverance, all the hopes and dreams...all in vain? I don't know.
Hmm... :-/
