Better safe than happy?

The other day I was reading a book (I'm deliberately leaving out the name of the book coz I don't want people thinking that the subject of the book just might have influenced my thought process) and came across a line wherein the central character realizes that all her life, she has chosen to be safe than happy. I put down my book and thought about it. And sadly realized that I too have opted for something similar. Like many others.

To make sure my thoughts aren't prejudiced based on my own experiences, I posted this as a question to my Facebook friends. The results I got were a myriad of emotions hidden in a few intelligent comments. Most preferred to remain silent on the matter. Their answers were evident. Silence often speaks volumes, you see :)

I quote one of my own Facebook comments on the subject here:

People often opt for safety rather than happiness....Safety could be anything.....'emotional/psychological safety' (by being in a stable relationship even if there is no passion left in it), 'financial/occupational safety' (by holding onto a job just coz u're getting a regular paycheck even though it sucks the life out of you), 'physical safety' (by being around somebody who is physically stronger than you even though they are a pain to be around), 'social safety' (by adhering to seemingly senseless rules laid down by 'society' just coz you know you will be shunned if you dare disobey even though you don't personally approve of them), 'religious/spiritual safety' (by blindly following rules laid down aeons ago even if you don't understand WHY they were laid down and what sense it makes to be following them today), and even 'educational safety' (by joining for a course you loathe just coz it promises a 'safe' career option 3 or 4 years down the line)..............and such people seek 'happiness' in 'safety'.......while they know in the deepest areas of their conscience that THIS is not what they have truly wanted.....THIS is not being 'happy' in their personal dictionary....NO.

They hear of somebody else doing something they have always wanted to do and sigh....and within moments of their sojourn,they set about finding the negative sides of that person....in a way that they want to appease their own conscience that 'It's okay....you're not missing anything....if you'd done that,you'd have had a similar mess in your life too....you are happy now....you are happy now....you are HAPPY NOW!' 

Just coz u repeat something you want to believe to be true.....that doesn't make it the truth. :)

I thought about all the things and situations wherein I would have been truly happy. To be honest, I had a good laugh that ended in a sad sigh. They say it's good to dream. I think now I know why. In your dream world, everything is perfect...just the way you want it to be. Happiness everywhere...not a shred of sorrow or anger anywhere...no ropes that tie you down...a world where you can spread out your wings and fly with nobody to tell you that flying is sinful!

People who have chosen happiness over safety have often found themselves as social outcasts though. I recall my teenage now...a time when I used to express some of my dreams...I remember that my dreams and wishes used to get people unsettled a bit :) And then they'd chide me for trying to go 'against the flow' or by saying that I didn't drop down from outer space to harbor thoughts way beyond my cultural,social,financial,physical,etc. restrictions. I didn't quite understand things back then, to be honest. But now I reckon they said so because all they wanted me to have is a safe life. Forget about pursuing just happiness. She'll find happiness when she's safe. Different lines of thought. That's all. 

On my Facebook post, a couple of friends had asked me ' How can one be happy if one is not safe?'... This is the result of years of mental honing. The question makes perfect sense when you think about it within your own boundaries. But if you let your thoughts to escape those mental barbed wire fences, you'll see the answer for yourself. Happiness need not always mean safety (for definitions of safety in this context, scroll up)

Nevertheless,I do understand that to lead a 'normal' life, the majority of us have had to trade our happiness for safety. nothing wrong in that. Just pondering over our patterned lives.....that's all :)

Peace out!

On condolences and RIP messages...

Celebrities are born everyday. And they also die someday. Plain fact. Duh!

What surprises me is the sudden outflow of intense emotion when a 'celebrity' passes away...predominantly from people who would not have even thought about the deceased person for over more than a few years at least. I mean to say that the deceased person would have probably been ailing and off the social scene for a while....at least for long enough not to be in peoples' active memory. It is understandable if your celebrity idol passes away and you mourn for him/her. But then when a world personality passes away and when people over react on social networking sites and behave as if their dearest uncle has just died, it sure is funny. And totally unbelievable. Okay so if you respect the deceased person for whatever reason, an obligatory 'RIP' should more than suffice. What's with posting messages like "OMG! I can't believe it!!!! :'( XYZ is no more!!! :'( I will miss you so much!!! " What the.....? o_O It's totally beyond my comprehension!

I remember sitting shell-shocked when Whitney Houston passed away. I admit I haven't heard all of her songs but her song 'When you Believe feat. Mariah Carey' from 'Prince of Egypt' has always been one of my favorite songs.

But the day Houston passed away, my Twitter and Facebook looked like her funeral book no less! :-/ Almost all the people I knew were suddenly crying buckets for her! :-o By golly,I didn't know she had so many fans! Being very honest here! :-/ Nobody used to talk about her or share her videos or do anything of the sort for as long as I'd been on Facebook. So this sudden out-pour of extreme sadness somehow felt hugely unreal. Ditto for many celebrities who died before her and after her.

Seeing such public displays of distress, I wonder how such people deal with a personal loss. Strangely,none of that is shared with the world. One rarely gets to see an update like "OMG! I lost my dad/mom/uncle/aunt/grandparent today. I'm going to miss him/her so much! :'( " See,stuff like this is believable...though not advisable (one does not update one's status on Facebook when the funeral service is going on...duh!again) And friends would come in from all sides to support the person at his/her time of grief. But showing similar reactions at the loss of a public figure is (somehow) weirdly funny. It sort of takes away the feel of the real thing.

I still feel that feelings of loss and separation are private emotions. Advertisement of the same is just being fake and trying to fit in with the the crowd. "Just because everybody else is doing it, I might as well do it too!" is so not the right attitude. 

Just my perspective.

Write?? Right!

I have been attempting to write a book for the past six years now. I remember the first time the idea struck me. I had a story…and I was sure it is a 'best-seller' in the making! Initially, I used to 'pen' it down…there was no issue of random thoughts. The words flowed freely and without interruption. It was on very rare occasions that I had to add in a word or a line somewhere on the previous pages. Like I said, the storyline was pretty much solid.

Days, weeks, and months were passing by uneventfully. I was working full-time and was able to devote lesser and lesser time to my writing. To be honest, a lot of things were also going on in my life that was changing my personality permanently. When I flipped through the pages I had written earlier, I found no sense in all those innocent child-like thoughts. I had been hit by the harsh realities of life and decided that my earlier writings were too childish to be even remotely believable. Criss-crossed words and struck out sentences made my manuscript look like a mess no less. A few of my friends enquired regularly about the progress of my book. And I'd tell them that it's still on but moving sluggishly. At one point, I even tried to type it out on a computer. But then I found that even the initial story wasn't making sense to me and I was changing the story itself!

 

Six years on, today when I look at my original manuscript, I don't know what to feel. Was it really my childish innocence that poured out onto scores of pages? Or have I grown up now? Have I grown up so much that there are no more traces of innocence within me now? The naivety in those words is painful to see now. I still wonder how people write books. They have to have a sound mind that remains where it is all through the creation of the book…or they have to be abnormally fast in their typing/writing.

I still don't know what to do with my dusty manuscript. Maybe I will complete it someday. Someday…when I am more at peace with myself.

Someday…

Mirror,mirror on the wall....

We all know what's the next part of that phrase. I wonder why Indians are so obsessed with the concept of fairness. So much so that any light jab at our brownish skin and that's it! The sky falls down! I remember once how actress Aishwarya Rai's skin tone had been lightened using Photoshop and used in a cover page for an international magazine. And all hell broke loose saying that she is famous enough NOT to have her skin tone lightened for the sake of Western acceptance. Ms.Rai also joined in the furore (which was propbably to humour her so-called passionate fans) and lodged a complaint against the magazne company.

 

 

Given the fact that she is an extremely intelligent woman behind that pretty face, I'm sure she wouldn't have lodged a complaint against the company on her own. It's really too silly a matter to over-react that way. Let's face it. Magazines and advertising companies play a lot with photoshop on just about any celebrity they choose. Even Beyonce was made to look like a caucasian once on a mag cover. Did she mind? Grow up,people!

 

By over reacting to such things,we are only serving the purpose of making it known to the world that we are ashamed of our skin colour. That is so bad. Indians have one of the best skin tones in the whole world...because of the genetic potpourri. We're a mix of Caucasian,Asian,African and even a bit of Mongol! A cocktail! The best of all worlds.

 

People in the west spend money and/or hours on the beach to get a 'tan'....to get rid of their milky white pale skin. And look at what we are doing. We have been naturally blessed with a permanently beautiful tan and we're hell bent on turning at least 2 shades fairer! Young boys and girls go to any extents to achieve that movie star look....you want proof? Just look up on the yearly sale of fairness products in India...or better still,just observe the number of fairness cream ads that come on TV. It's crazy!

 

And when we behave so idiotic, the west sits up and takes notice. They too took notice that Indian's have a distinct skin tone and that we're kinda bothered about it. Such observations end up in advertisement misadventures like Ashton Kutcher's latest offering which had to be taken off the airwaves owing to accusations of 'racism'! And did anybody notice that it was only the Indians who created an issue out of it? Though several other ethnicities were also imitated. Is that indicative of something?

 

I'd like to know what's the problem if an Indian man was imitated with a darker skin tone than the standard American. I don't see anything wrong in that. Read this rather intelligent retort on a news site in the comments section: "If we copy the Americans, it's 'Westernisation'...if they copy is, it's 'Racism'...how unfair! LOL"..... couldn't help but laugh! And these holier-than-thou accusers......I wonder if any one of them can come forth and boldly declare that they have never referred to a Westerner as a 'gora' or an Afro-American as a Negro. Duh! Think before you point fingers,people!

 

A humble request to fellow Indians....please don't make a fool of yourselves in front of the world.....you're making fools of the rest of us as well in the process.

 

Thanks.

Falak, Afreen...who is next? :'(

I can't remember when it was that I read about Baby Falak for the first time. All I remember was that when I did, it disturbed me for days on end. Coming from a community that hails, welcomes and celebrates the birth of a girl child, I just cannot comprehend why survival beyond the cradle is a matter of luck for many girl children around India. It is just a plaintive sight of the pathetic state that our society is in. And they say 'India is Shining'! What an irony!

 

 

A child is born into this world not on it's own accord...it is the result of a decision taken by two individuals. Being born as a male or a female is again not it's own prerogative. It is but sheer chance. And science proves that it is the father who is the deciding factor when it comes to sex of the baby (Ref: <<Most mammals have one pair of sex chromosomes in each cell. Males have one Y chromosome and one X chromosome, while females have two X chromosomes. In mammals, the Y chromosome contains a gene, SRY, which triggers embryonic development as a male.>> ~ Wikipedia ). A woman has absolutely no role to play in this aspect. Yet she is targeted and made to take all the blame for 'not producing a male child'! Excuse me....they're just not getting it,eh? That's the problem of the father of the child. As per current norms, it's he who deserves to be beaten and kicked for not being able to 'produce a male child'. x-(

 

 

 

And then came the sad case of Baby Afreen who was punched in the face :'( by her devil of a father for being born as a girl....when she was just 3 months old. The poor thing passed away after a short struggle. Such things pain and disturb me no end. It's my heart that bleeds every single time. When will all this stop? When will men realise the truth? Education is the key to everything. Most people behave this way out of their ignorance about the true facts. Education has to be made compulsory!

 

 

A child is a precious gift from God...whether it is male or female. No faith and no society says that one is superior over the other. If it does,it is wrong. And as sensible individuals, we should not follow it. Was it the child's fault that it became a girl? Or that it was even brought into existence?

 

Please do think about it. About what can be done to stop this inhuman practice. There are so many people out there who would do anything just to have a baby come into their barren lives. And then there's this ugly lot who kill them off!

 

Remember the famous tagline of the movie "Taare Zameen Par"......EVERY CHILD IS SPECIAL.

Parents...God's little presence in your life! :)

Yesterday was World Health Day. I read an article today that read:...experts say sedentary lifestyles and growing psycho-social factors are affecting the health of India's elderly. It's so painfully true.

 

 

Any standard Indian elderly person has the regular set of worries - are my children settled, my health, my retirement plan. It's like these things form the crux of their existence. I guess it's the way society has programmed us to be. Parents live for their children...toiling day and night to better their futures...forgetting to live for themselves in the process. Any parent that does not perform this 'self-sacrifice' is looked down upon. It's sad. Because the 'children' will one day get their wings and fly away. The parents are left with just memories of days gone by...memories of their youth that they threw away for the sake of their family...and a whole lot of loneliness. Yes,in society, they are exemplary. But personally,they are left with not much to look back upon.

 

 

Loss of a spouse adds to the misery. Few find solace in technology...some in rekindling old hobbies...and most in just reminiscing and they pull themselves into their own shells. They are so used to the norm of being considered 'senior/elderly/old' by the time they hit their 60s. It's more of a psychological thing. It's like there is a set of unwritten rules that one has to/is expected to adhere to once you are on the wrong side of 50....be more spiritual,restrict make-up to the bare minimum, do not wear bright colours (read beige,grey,pastel shades....yawnnn!), do not travel alone, eat with caution (possibly it won't get digested...duh!)..... this is all so bad that it creates a mental block of sorts. Like they feel that they cannot be the way they were...."I am old now,dear....I don't think I can do it". Possibly these are the same things that these people expected their parents to be. And when they reached that age, the 'auto-programming' just started working! End result --> a whole generation of sedentary people getting sicker day-by-day seemingly awaiting their call from the Almighty! WTH! x-(

 

My mother works in an organisation brimming with elderly Westerners. It's almost amazing to hear the stories she narrates of the lifestyles they lead. Travelling tops their agenda. People well into the wrong side of 50 are going back to college. Many are getting married again! They travel extensively and to exotic locales every single time. For them, it's obvious that 40 is the new 20! They keep themselves engaged all the time...irrespective of age. It's really worth admiring....their zest for life...their never-say-never attitude. Yes, they are all well-bonded with their children, grandchildren,extended family,etc. But NOT at the cost of their own lives.Period. There lies the difference. Children are important. But if they have a right to enjoy their life, so do their parents. There is no rule-book that says that once children come into the picture, parents have to give up all their pleasures and concentrate on giving every possible pleasure to their kids.

 

 

It's all in the attitude. Parents are also humans....they too have a right to laugh,love and live...just like us. And they should be encouraged to live their life to the fullest every single day. It's when too much is expected of them that things go wrong. I have seen so many couples who bring one of their mothers over to where they work and live when the wife is expecting a baby or has just given birth. Although they say it's just to have the presence of an elder in the house to oversee the looking after of the baby as the wife is inexperienced, the real story is something else (at least most of the while!)....the couple is getting an unpaid house-help. I feel so bad when I see ageing mothers with a baby in their arms and lugging behind young couples on shopping trips. My logic: if you're 'experienced' enough to actually have a baby, looking after it is also your responsibility. Expecting your parents to baby-sit is nothing but laziness.

 

 

They too deserve to live a life...after all that they have done for us. Give them the freedom to live their life the way it pleases them. Remember that they tried to keep us happy with whatever they had and in whichever way they could. It's our turn now. Give them every possible happiness they yearn for...fulfil their every secret wish. Just make sure that they are NEVER deprived of that content smile. Trust me...they're worth it.

 

:)

 

There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.  ~Chinese Proverb

"Healthy" discussion? Oh please!

 

How many times would have had to listen to nonsensical and vulgar chatter in the name of 'healthy discussion'? I've come to hate that phrase now. It's like anyone can get away with talking any crap under the sun in the name of 'healthy discussion'. I mean, who decides if a topic is 'healthy' or not? More often,the topics labelled 'healthy' are the most 'unhealthy' ones.

Most men try different ways to start talking about physical relationships and other such lewd subjects with women. And if women get squeamish, they say ,'oh come on now...don't be such a baby. We are only having a healthy discussion'.......grrr! Yes,it's true we are all grown-ups. But there are some topics that we still are not comfortable discussing about...especially with men. If men really want to discuss such things, they should do so with their wives or if they want serious knowledge, let them go talk to a doctor! x-( I don't understand why they have to centralise all discussions on this one subject. It's sick and disgusting!

Nobody seems to want to talk about travelling or movies or hobbies or books. Even if the girl starts a safe subject, the men deftly manoeuvres it so it finally ends up where he wanted it to end!

Scenario 1

Girl: What's your favourite place to travel?

Boy: Amsterdam :D

Girl: Wow! That's a nice choice....I would like to go to Vienna some day :)

Boy: Hey,did you know Amsterdam has one of the world's largest red-light areas? It's also known as F*****g Amsterdam.... LOL :D

Scenario 2

Girl: Did you see any good movies lately?

Boy: Oh yeah....I saw (some movie name) the other day...Blah-Blah-Blah has done an awesome job.man!there was this superb love-making scene in it....i was like WOW!

Girl: Uh...i heard the soundtrack is pretty catchy. Must download the songs sometime.

Boy: Yeah the songs are okay....but the scene I was talking to you about was just brilliant.

Yawn! How can y'all be such predictable morons? Do you even realise that when you people talk like this, all we feel like doing is just log-off. Guys,such talk are major turn-offs. Try wooing us with your intelligence...not with stuff like this! It's downright boring! And you are appearing very cheap.

Dear boys, there are so many fantastic subjects out there that you can talk about to girls. Please attempt to grow up. Maturity is still free of cost. Kindly understand that.

Sincerely.