Friends and friendships have always been an integral part of my life. Some friendships I cherished...some I longed for...and some I have lost. Today, out of the blue and for no rhyme or reason, I was pulled backwards to my past. To the days when 'friends' meant everything in life. There was no joy or sorrow without them in it. There was nothing that wasn't shared with those strangers who had become an integral part of the center of our very existence!
I was a person who struck friendships very easily and real quick...without the gender divide. People collected stamps and coins...I collected friends :) And I was extremely proud of it too! I don't think I'd say the same way about school friendships as I would about the friendships that happened at college. There are some friendships that have stood the test of time, they say. Friendships that never wavered from pre-nursery days until after marriage and kids even! It never did happen to me, though :-/
Life changed in a BIG way for me when I left the safe haven of my home and was all on my own when I went to attend my graduate program. New environment...strange faces...no Mom to run to :-( I knew I had to face it. I still remember the tense moments before knowing who were to be my hostel room-mates for the year ahead. How would they be? Would they be able to live with me? Would I be able to live with them? I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown! My hostel days deserve a blog-post dedicated to them alone. Some other day :)
But friendships happened. Beautiful ones. Seemingly meaningful ones. I thought that I'd found the true meaning of living now! Everyday was so much fun that I used to wish we had more than 24 hours in a day :) We woke up together, used to go down to the mess to get coffee together, used to take bath in adjacent cubicles chattering all the while, went to college together, sat together in class, laughed together, got into trouble together and listened to music together...sharing earphones! :) :)
Back then, life was all about having identical jewelry, liking the same chocolate, midnight birthday parties, sharing nail polishes, keeping a look-out for each others' crushes, trying to figure out the definition of the 'perfect man', taking all the pain to get group photos clicked professionally and then framing or laminating them for posterity, having endless sessions of 'Did you hear the latest...?', making promises of being this way forever...and then eyes welling up at the thought of the promises getting broken. Life was all about each other. Friends were synonymous with life itself. Never did I, for one, think that it would turn out otherwise.
Many years have passed since the day that we all promised eternal allegiance to each other. Life has happened to all of us....and life has bombed some of us too! We all moved on...holding on to some fragments of our past...and sadly forgetting most of it in the process. Conversations that ran into hours have now trickled down to an occasional and curt exchange of pleasantries. many are happy to have it that way. "At least we're in touch and know where each other are!" is is usual response.
Memories of fun times shared have now become the harbingers of long sighs and the usual expression of 'good ol' times!' When asked, people seldom own up to having changed. 'Oh come on now, I haven't changed! I'm still the same. Just that I got a little busy. Juggling kids and work is crazy really!' Truth is...people have grown up and grown apart as well. New friendships (at work and otherwise) slowly take up the place of old ones. Nobody can be blamed in this inadvertent process. Most happen as a result of 'out of sight,out of mind'. Thanks to social networking, people do keep in touch with the ones they were really close to. Putting phrases like 'keep in touch with' and 'really close' in one sentence with a 'were' in between is in itself a sad fact. But priorities change with time. And I have come to accept that.
Reunions have become the 'in' thing these days. Events that were conducted like once in 15 or 20 years have now become a yearly thing...which is good,no doubt. At least you get to see the metamorphosis in process rather than seeing total strangers in place of the people you thought you knew so well! There is very little one can do to salvage withering bonds, especially in today's fast-paced world. People have literally 'no time' for anything but to run their own races, lest they get trampled upon and left behind. When entire relationships get pushed to the back seat in the mad craze to succeed, what chance do young friendships stand?
Personally, I have attempted to reconnect with people I used to love unconditionally not so very long ago. And more often than not, I have been surprised by the people they have become. As much as I want to tell myself that I am wrong, I can't help but feel that if these people had been the same way years ago, when I first met them, the chance of a friendship itself would have been doubtful. I have often asked myself ,'What happened to her/him? Why and how did she/he change so much? Did I do something wrong?'...though I know the answer. The mind and the child in me refuses to accept the reality. 'I don't want to lose them...we meant so much to each other...I don't want things to change...Please!' - this goes on and on inside me.
If any of the beautiful people I once loved has taken the pain to actually read through this post, please know that I still love you as much as I once did. The change in you is painful. I understand perfectly well that I will never know fully what caused you to turn into the person you have become today. Somebody once truly quoted that 'you never truly know someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes'. But please know this that I did not strike a friendship with you for the heck of it. I wanted us to be forever. I considered you to be somebody truly special. I still do. I hope you realize this someday. Some people do NOT change with time, my dears. I will keep waiting for you.
:')
